Friday, December 24, 2004

Gotta Do Something to keep warm

Nordic media battle heats up

I Still Love You Mr. K.

Do you know which letter of the alphabet is the bastard step child of them all?

The Letter K.

Do you love America? How about when you spell it AmeriKa?

How about Korn for dinner?

How about OutKast?

For some reason, taking a perfectly good word and spelling it with a k instead of a c makes you seem like some counter culture hipster.

I think it all started with those dumb bastards in the Klu Klux Klan. Hey, dipshits, the first step in gaining a popular following is the ability to spell. Dan Quayle learned that the hard way...

So, be brave Little Letter K. I still love you.

Thursday, November 4, 2004

My Predictions for the Next 4 Years

There is but one way to describe my election predictions...."fake but accurate".

I got the end result correct. But NH and Hawaii didn't pan out. But I did get Ohio right (I am so smart, I am so smart! Smrt. I mean, Smart...)

So, now I have some predictions for the next 4 years:

1) Somebody we don't like dies. May be Arafat. May be Artistide. May be Yanni. Who knows? But when they kick off...2 point bump in the polls for Chimpler.

2) Iran....muahahahaa. Sorry kids. We got a bottle of whiskey and the car keys for the next 4 years. I see the future. You may be part of it, but it will most likely involve working the counter at an Adult Movie store.

3) France. Hahahaha....I said France. Hehe.

4) Russia...listen, boobulah. We like you now. Don't mess this up. Get to gittin. Crap-Weasles=Bad. Uncle Sam= Good. The first country to figure this out was the UK, and look how well that's worked out for them...they've even taken on English as their first language.

5) I think Germans will stop emphasizing their role in the world as a dimplomatic nation and get back to what they are good at...Oktoberfest and wacky porn.

6) Guam. Think about what you've contributed to the world in the last 50 add 4 years. Yep, that's about it.

7) Gay Marrige. We'll still be talking about both 4 years from now.

8) 11,680. The number of Martinis that Ted Kennedy will drink before he becomes relevant again.

9) Social Security. Old people will still be getting it in 2005.

10) The deficit. Like the Grand Canyon and Rosie O' Donnell, it will continue to grow in size and gravitational force.

11) Baseball. The new Washington DC team will be overun by special interest groups and will include such fan appreciation days as: "The 3rd Called Strike in the 2nd Inning was George Bush's Fault" Night and the "Why Fly Balls Shouldn't Be Caught Because It is too 'Unilateral' Double Header Days". Rumor has it that George Soros will pay up to and over $65 million to ensure that 527 groups try to target the Philidelphia Fanatic and produce video evidence of what the MSM will only refer to as "A Cocaine Habit of Supernatural Proportions".

12) Hollywood celebraties who move out of the US will come back when they realize that citizens in no other country in the world are willing to pay $8 to watch them.

13) Jim Treacher will find ways to offend people in other languages just to magnify the effect.

14) Seeing the effect that Blogs had on the '04 Election, Osama Bin Laden will give up plotting Jihad on America to start his own site "" Three days later, he will declare Jihad again...on comment spam.

Wednesday, November 3, 2004

Gilly's World Declares Victory

I think I am the big winner here. The guy that I was rootin for wins (it's over, get used to it). My Red Sox won the World Series. Auburn is still undefeated.
Tom Daschle lost. And I managed to out drink Susan Estrich last night (and trust me, that was no small feat).

So now that the world is back on it's normal orbit, John Kerry can go back to missing Senate meetings. And I hear that John Edwards is on his way to Ohio....probably to sell hair care products door to door.

Note to the world: We've been watching you for the last few years. And we've made a list. Now that we have 4 more years of Bush and he doesn't have to worry about Reelection, know the rest.

The Election

12:20 If it ain't over yet, I'll heckle it in the morning...

12:05 Ron Silver has lost his mind. "You can be a certain ethnicity...and tell people you voted for somebody else."

12:03 Oregon goes to a Democrat. Shocker.

11:51 Specter fights back and wins his seat. No comment.

11:43 Susan Estrich is not only drunk, but she is drunk bloviating. I mean, that doesn't mean that she is wrong. But even a tanked-off-her-ass clock is right twice a day.

11:40 Susan Estrich is back on tv. I think she is somewhere between drunk to hangover stage, but I am not sure. If she burps up tommato juice, then I think we'll have the entire thing figured out.

11:31 Ron Silver: Looking for his career in the bushes.

11:20 Arizona goes to Bush. About Fricken Time...Seriously, you guys are breaking my balls here. Arizona goes to Bush? What? Do you want a fricken medal?

11:17 This race is killing me. Someone please call something. I don't care what it is. Hell, call Bill Frist a tranny. I don't care.

11:06 Washinton State goes for Kerry. Did you know that there is an area called Walla Walla? There is. And they sell Watermellons.

10:59 Everyone is too damn chicken to call anything. Brawk. Bruck. Bruck. Brawk!

10:52 With the exception of Brian Williams being Crap-tacular, MSNBC has been the best in the election coverage so far.

10:38 As of 10:38, Thune is leading Daschel in SD

10:25 Drudge Calls Utah for Bush....197.

10:21 Benson (R-NH) makes a comeback in his Governer's Race.

10:17 Christ, Barak Obama's wife just introduced him as "my baby's daddy".

10:14 Missouri goes to Bush. Bush is at 193.

10:12 Still no suprises...though the thought of Arlen Spector getting waxed would be nice if not for the fact that a Democrat was taking the seat.

9:59 Hey New Hampshire...snap out of it and make up your mind already!

9:48 has Kerry surging 11 points today. Take it as you will, but, like the youth vote, I gotta throw the BullShit flag.

9:45 Talking about bloggers and the youth vote. Let me tell you what...there hasn't been a state where the youth vote has tilited the vote away from who was supposed to win.

9:39 Mathews jokes that Republicans being Red States wasn't taken from the Soviets during the Cold War....I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he's just been up too many hours.

9:26 Louisiana and Mississippi to Bush. Bush 171. Kerry 112.

9:19 Mort Kondrakie tried to diss the blogosphere and looks like a dork...updates at 11. And I was lame enough to use the term "diss".

9:00 Bush gets Texas and Kansas. Kerry gets New York. The sun will rise tomorrow and Russian people like vodka. Wake me when there is a shocker.

8:51 Susan Estrich is on Fox News and looks very drunk. If she is topless by 10 pm, then I predict a Kerry Victory.

8:45 Bush is over 100. Just over 1/3 of the way to the 299 that I predicted.

8:42 Bush wins Virginia...that one was big. If Kerry takes Virginia, Bush would need to change his shorts.

8:20 NC to Bush. Bout Damn Time. Bush-81. Kerry-77.

8:15 SC to Bush. Jesus, they made us sweat for that one.

8:08 All of the top blogs down. Yet my blog is coming up fine. Shows you where stand on the food chain.

8:03 I need NH to go for Bush if I am going to win the Fantasy Election League. Come on baby, do it for Daddy.

8:02 No big suprises yet. Yet.

8:00 Illinois, Mass, Maryland, Connecticut, Maine, and Jersey to Kerry with 0 votes counted. Rednecks and the Soooners carry Bush. I think they are just flipping coins at this point.

7:52 Craig Benson(R) is getting his ass handed to him in his NH Governors Race to the Democrat.

7:36 Bush will win W. Virginia. 0 votes counted with 0% precincts reporting so far. But MSNBC has never been wrong...

7:30 Bush over 1,000,000 popular votes so far...must be nice to be so loved.

Tuesday, November 2, 2004

This Election Cycle

These are the things we have learned over this last election year.

In this election we have seen Swifties, Bloggers, Haliburton and Rather. We have learned the terms moonbat, MemoGate, what the hell a Wonkette is and why she almost always has something to do with anal sex.

We have seen a group called MoveOn refuse to move on. George Soros has become both a villain and a rock star, which is not bad considering he is both Hungarian and in International Finance. And America has made 527 the second most well know tax code deliniation since the 1040.

Bloggers have speculated, pontificated, and regurgitated just about every kind of information that you can think of. A Generation of Americans have now come to grasp how the hell the Electoral College works. And many are even debating its merits.

We've seen that Bush still doesn't know how to talk. And we've learned that Kerry looks like a dork when he tries to play any sport other than hockey. And we've all learned that Big Daddy Edwards doesn't go on stage on unless his hair is Demo-fabulous.

We've learned that some people have lost their fucking minds, fucking minds, fucking minds, and fucking minds. We've seen the 24 hour news cycle kill and then overkill stories. And we have seen an entire candidacy die with but a single scream.

Hell, somehow Jim Treacher even made it onto the Wall Street Journal.

And in the end, we have seen almost $3.9 Billion dollars spent for people to get out their message. We've been pundits and we've watched and read the pundits. We've watched the debates, we've debated the debates and in the end?

Nobody has any idea how the fuck this thing is going to turn out.

But it's been fun.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

My Childhood Beckons

Which do you think I should watch?

30 Minutes of Fox's Pre-Game Production Bonanza, or 'It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown'?

If you don't say "Good Grief", you're dead to me.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Civic Duty Rocks!

Because I am not going to be in my home state on Nov 2nd, I went down to my town hall and got myself an Absentee Ballot. And then I voted!

Voting Rocks. Of course, they won't open my ballot until Super Tuesday. But I still felt pretty good.

My best friend has always said that if you don't vote for anyone, you have no right to bitch about whoever is in office. So I guess you could say that I have just gotten my 4 year extension on smartassing the American Political system.

Be sure to make sure you are registered to vote. I think this year, Americans might just break our own record on voter turnout.

My New British Speaking Pen Pal

Since the Guardian sees it fit to compell its readers to Adopt-An-Ohioan, I thought I would write back to England in a letter.

Dear British Speaking Pen Pal-

Thank you so much for taking the time to type me out a letter. Yay! This will be so much fun! Now I have a pen pal in another country. Your envelope says that you are from England. Wow! Are you guys named after New England? I love the Patriots!
I looked on a map and saw that England is an island. That must be great! My neighbor went on vacation to the islands? She loved it. It must be so great to live on a warm sunny island. Do you go to the beach every day? That's what she did. I bet it's great living so close to the warm beach like you do. She told me that people drink Coronas with limes. Do you like to drink Corona too? I bet you do! My dad calls you a bunch of Limeys. I bet that must be where the label comes from. How cool is that? You guys must have come up with putting limes in your beer!

Thank you for taking such an interest in our Election. You used some pretty big words in your letter that I couldn't understand. There is somebody at the University in Columbus that speaks British, so the next time I have to take the hogs to market, I抣l have him translate more of it.

Your Ohioan Pen Pal Gilly

P.S. I was going to send you some limes as a gift. But then I thought, thats silly, Limes must come from England. That would be a silly gift. My dad told me that you like cricket. So included in the box is about 100 crickets that I caught in my back yard. I hope you like them!

Saturday, June 5, 2004

I Want My Money Back

So I was watching the news today and the Japanese parliament had a rumble. This is like the 4th one in the last year. Is anyone else as unimpressed as I am?

Man, when you think of Asians fighting, you think of Kung Fu and Jackie Chan and shit. All you get from these parliament fights is a bunch of shoving (though seeing someone break out a shoe to hit the opposition is pretty fun to watch). I see Taiwan politicians wanting to knuckle down and I am thinking:

The only thing that would make this cooler is a six pack and a side of ribs. But instead of Monday Night Football, all I am getting 9 on 9 flag football from the Bayside Retirement Community.

I want to see hand to hand fights like you see in the Matrix. Like a PM jumps off of his lectern and does a 360 spin kick to the Minority Party leader. It'd be kick ass if he was able to rip the heart out of somebody's chest and show it to him as it stops pumping like in Indian Jones. Now that is what I call filibustering.

South East Asia better step up to the plate and deliver us some action, or America will stop paying attention to that part of the world for good.

Friday, June 4, 2004

Career Change

I have decided upon the perfect job for me:

Transplant Organ Courrier

Think about it. Your job is to fly from place to place with organs in a little red bag. Run through airports. Rack up frequent flier miles. Think about it. You could do that for 2 years and write one wierd ass book.

How does one qualify for a job such as that? And what does their resume look like?

Thursday, June 3, 2004

A Real Man's Toothpaste

I got thise new toothpaste called Aquafresh Extreme Clean and I was reading the back and this is what it says:

Keep out of reach of children 6 and under: If you accidentally swallow more that used for brushing, get medical help or contact Poison Control right away.

Sweet! This toothpaste kicks so much ass that it's dangerous to children. Now that is a real man's toothpaste!

Tuesday, June 1, 2004

Kittens: Hitler's Secret Weapon Against America

It is a little known anecdote in the annals of history that Adolf Hitler has devious plans for America.

While the history of WWII has be written to addendum about the struggle of the Allies against the Axis powers, there are smaller stories that seem to not get much light of day. This is one of them.

After having invaded Poland, Adlof Hitler and his military advisors turned west. And after spending a nice spring weekend conquering Paris, the Nazi regieme had solidified much of Western Europe. Seeing the ease of taking both Poland and France, Germany looked at a move on the UK with further aspirations of conquering America.

Hitler knew the importance of the Greenland, Iceland, UK (known as the GIUK Gap) territories would be vitally important to his advance on America. However, he also knew that if he made such a move, America might feel threatened and officially enter the war. He had to develop a devious plan to subvert the American population and weaken them before the day he would conquer the United States. When asked by his
top advisors how he would do this, Hitler answered but with a single word: kittens.

The idea was to get the American public used to a prissy prim Dona personality. But the indoctrination process had to start earlier than Adolf wanted. His scientists determined that if the plan was to work, Americans must get used to cats at an early age. If preoccupied by furry cuteness, America may just miss all of the Nazi atrocities being committed across Europe and Africa. But how to get the ball rolling?

Though his Foreign Service offices, Hitler contacted Nazi sympathizers in America and ordered them to start a subversive campaign through media and the press. It was subtle, and not until after the War was over can we even see the brilliantly unnoticeable plan.

Remember this poster? Of course you do. It hung in every class room in America for years. Do you honestly believe that this is supposed to be an inspirational mantra to be instilled in our children? Of course not. This poster was put into every class room in America, a gift "from a kindly anonomous benefactor". Teachers were told that it would be helpful to children and give them hope that America will
make it through the war.

But in reality, it was all Nazi propaganda. Here is the original poster developed by Adolf himself:

One of his advisors though it wasn't such a good idea to include the "Meine sklaven"(my slaves) in the poster. That advisor was promptly shot. A second advisor also tried to say that adding the phrase "my slaves" wasn't such a good idea. He was also shot. After not being able to find anymore shotgun shells, Hitler finally acquiesced and dropped the last part.

Kitten calendar sales increased 40% in the years 1940-1945. And American families, missing brothers, sons, and fathers, filled the void by adopting kittens. The Nazi regieme tried to capitalize on this by breeding kittens by the thousands, but Hitler's scientists could never figure how to make white cats with blue eyes. Sadly, batches of kittens were lost in the attempt.

Do you still think this is far fetched? Remember folks, this came from the same man who thought it would be a great idea to attack Russia in the winter time.

In the end, the Allies were victorious. Hitler's vicious plans to soften America with kittens didn't come to fruition. In his bunker, the Allies found war plans, ammunition, rations, a couple of balls of yarn, and a still Classified folder only labeled "Operation: Wiskas."

From what we are told, the CIA discovered the extent to which the Nazi regieme had tried to subvert America. The United States, still flush from the victory in WWII, could not handle to betrayal of knowing their pets were actually part of what was called the "Hitler Youth Pets". To counter this, the Department of Defense produced two popular television shows promoting dogs in the hope that in the future, American fascination with kittens would only be a footnote in history.

Friday, May 28, 2004

Movie Review of the Day

Maddox writes the best movie review in the history of the universe and gives his pick for the film that will sweep the Oscars for 2005.

Warning: Not for the children.

Hat Tip: Dean

Thursday, May 27, 2004

Where Do I Send My Resume?

Dane considers porn fringe benefit

An IT company in Nordjylland, Denmark has introduced a novel program to keep employees satisfied. After examining well-known trends in Internet and business traffic, LL Media decided it would be sensible and appreciated to offer all of its employees free subscriptions to Internet pornography.

The company's director, Levi Nielsen, believes that access to porn is a natural fringe benefit, like a free phone or a company car.

"We know that 80 percent of all hits on the Internet are on porn sites. And we can see that people also surf porn pages during work," Nielsen told Danish Broadcasting's DR Nordjylland.

In return for this service the company blocks all access to porn pages during office hours.

Nielsen hopes that the expense of about DKK 30 (USD 5) per head per week will make his staff more relaxed and more efficient on the job.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Of Empire And Iraw

In this month's Atlantic Online, there is an interview with writer Niall Ferguson, the author of 'Colossus'. In this piece he opines on the problems in Iraq, 9/11 and the American problem with nation building. What I find interesting in this article is that he is a self described Americophile. He wants Iraq to succeed. Yet, thought his research, he shows how this endeavor, like many undertaken in America's past, may fail precisely because our own inherent cultural differences.

One excellent points that he makes is:

"One of the problems Americans have is this desire to be loved. Legitimacy isn't necessarily based on affection. It's based on credibility. And I think what we're seeing in Iraq is just the latest in a series of tests of American resolve and credibility."

Monday, May 24, 2004

Answer Me This

There has always been something that had bothered me about Star Wars: Episode II.

If Anakin Skywalker was supposed to bring "balance to the force" and the Sith were on the run to the point where people didn't even know if they existed, wouldn't it have occured to these brainiacs that Anakin was there to balance out all the "good" force in the Galaxy?

I mean why didn't they just cap his ass gansta' style with a phaser gun when they had the chance. Rat-a-tat-tat 'You know I never hesitate to put a Jedi on his back'

What else did these people think when the prophesy said "bring balance to the force" when they were all in thier little happy-land "everyone is a beautiful snowflake" Empire?

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Solving Abu Ghraib

Do you want to know how to stop the constant repetition of the images of Abu Ghraib?

Just tell the world that the images and video contain secret messages that Jesus Christ is the Savior.

The liberal media would instantly stop showing any of the images.

Except for Fox News, who would make up a new prime time segment, showing only Abu Ghraib videos.

The Arab Street would riot and denounce all of the photos as Jewish Propaganda.

The Jews would be like, "Crazy Assed Gentiles."

The French would embrace the videos just to antagonize the Jews.

And the New York Times would do everything in its power to discredit the photos.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004


I do have some liberal friends. Actually, the better way to describe them is as drinking buddies. We just try and stay away from politics all together. And here is one reason why:

So, after many rounds at the bar, we got onto the topic of the Oil For Food Scandal (UNSCAM). And my friend said to me "I don't know why you're making such a big deal about it, it was only like what, $10 Billion?"

At this point I just dropped the conversation by getting another beer and not going back to the conversation.

$10 billion is kind of a big deal to poor people. But you know what annoyed me even more? When the International community got together and was able to raise $33 Billion. $20Billion of that was from America.

So 73 nations got together and 72 of them were only able to donate about $10Billion to helping a democracy in the Middle East.

Yeah, $10Billion, it's a big deal.

Let's hope Iraqis have a long memory when it comes to the bill for this little endevour.

Environment Check

I was reading the "letters to the editor" section of my paper today, and I realized something.

About half of all Americans are idiots. And at first I thought "Hey, you shouldn't say that about your countrymen!"

And then I realized that these people are pretty much all democrats (though we do have some right wing idiots too).

One person wrote in and said, "The Bush Administration is systematically destroying the environment? And then I looked out my window. Yep, the environment is still there.

Even if you live in New York City, the environment is still there. It just comes in three flavors: Central Park, concrete, and asphalt.

And I just looked out my window again卍ang environment is still there.

With 3 candidates as different as they are, if the environment is the issue that decides who you vote for, then you probably aren抰 going to vote for Bush anyways.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

36(C) Reasons why America Kicks Ass

Anderson joins Uncle Sam

Film and TV star Pamela Anderson, a native of Canada who broke into show business as a spokeswoman for Labatt beer, became an American citizen today during a brief ceremony in a downtown Los Angeles courtroom.

"I felt it was important to become a US citizen in order to vote in the United States," Anderson said in a written statement.

Suck on that Canuckistan!

In all seriousness...hell, I am sorry, nothing serious about this. Hooters!

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Now if only we could do that here..

Somehow they got the Norwegian press to go on strike. I don't know they did it, but it's true.

Now if only we could figure out a way to do that here in the States. Then maybe we could go back to winning the war on terrorism.

And I don't mean a total hiatus. Just a week or so.

Monday, May 10, 2004

A Reminder the Apocalypse is nigh

I just turned on the t.v. to see Sylvester Stallone singing Country songs in Rhinestone.

Saturday, May 8, 2004

You Don't Say!

Researchers predict a warm summer

Last summer was nice in Norway, and this summer will likely be warm and sunny as well. That's the consensus of international meteorologists, and Oslo may be in store for its warmest summer since 1960.

That wacky stock market (and why jobs growth is bad)

The best back to back jobs data since 2000 and the market takes a dive. What gives?! Well, you would think that with more and more people going back to work that the stock market would rally. But this rally is somewhat counterintuitive. With stronger and stronger jobs numbers, the specter of higher interest rates is looking more and more likely. The exact same thing happened last month when there was very strong jobs growth.

The Fed rate is not going to stay at 1% forever. And while some people had thought that Greenspan was going to raise rates in August, if we get another great jobs number next month, we might see a raise in rates in June.

The market is a funny thing. Ben Stine calls it "a place to buy future earnings". I like to think of it as a speculation on how people will react to news. Because about half the time, the market does the opposite of what you would think it should. Great jobs growth and an improving economy and the market goes down. Who would have thunk it?

Thursday, May 6, 2004

My problem with Internet dating.

There was a blog on Salon that talked about Internet dating portals for Conservatives. And I thought "hey, it would be cool to meet a chick who wasn't a damned hippy and liked to shoot things with guns!"

But my problem is that while I am conservative, I am not a social conservative. I am more a libertarian on social issues. I like to go out and party, I like the Man Show, and I am not part of the Religious Right. I am what some people call a South Park Republican? What I am, though, is a fiscal conservative.

And then I thought, yeah, they should have an internet dating site for people like me who are only fiscally conservative? And then I thought, how many chicks are going to search a site that features fiscal conservatives?? Probably none that I would want to meet. What would one of their profiles read like?

In my spare time I enjoy reading books at Barnes & Noble, saving money by walking everywhere and reading day old newspapers. Oh, and clipping coupons makes me soo hot!?

So I don't think I will be seeing any time soon.

Tuesday, May 4, 2004

I Love You to Death

Well at least men now have an excuse as to not be so romantic.

Honest honey, I'd rub your feet, but I wouldn't want you to think I was trying to kill you.

Monday, May 3, 2004

Boy Gets Response to Message in Bottle

Hey, it happens.

And as it turns out, the message was spam: 'Would you like to have a longer thicker penis?' To which the boy threw in another bottle.

Best (worst) Summer Job Ever?

Those crazy Germans. When they aren't invading France, or taking field trips, they are trying to lead the world in mind numbing stupidity. The German solution to unemployment? Brothels MUST have apprentices in order avoid financial penalties.

Sunday, May 2, 2004

May I Suggest Some X-Lax

Oslo increasingly 'constipated'

BMW Drivers Have More Sex

BMW drivers have more sex than owners of any other cars and are much more active than Porsche drivers, a new German car magazine has found.

Too bad for me, the Slavic export Yugo ranked lowest on sex appeal. To which I can testify, is quite accurate.

You Have to Give Kids Limits

Watered-Down Beer Quota Allows 4 Kegs Each

The keg crackdown for the annual Mifflin Street block party near the University of Wisconsin still gives each apartment between 700 and 800 beers.

It's good to know that you can give kids limits.

Saturday, May 1, 2004

Day of the Dead?

I have finally figured out why John Kerry walks and talks like the walking dead. It's because he really is!

"He fought and died for his country.*"

*Democratic Stategist on Republicans questioning John Kerry's patriotism. A la an interview on Your world with Neil Cavuto (4/30).

Friday, April 30, 2004

I'm just here to help.

I have this pity factor in me that makes me want to help John Kerry. So today I will help J.F. Kerry with that ever elusive demographic: the apathetic youth vote. I was watching MTV this morning because I woke up with a hangover (and nothing cures a hangover like vomiting after watching the crap on MTV). And then it hit me: John Kerry needs a hip and with it rap song to really speak to the kids of today. So, here it is:

I'm John Kerry (al la the music of Slim Shad?)

Yes, I'm John Kerry!
No, I'm not John Kerry!
That other John Kerry
was just being nuanced.
So won't the real John Kerry
please stand up, please stand up,
please stand up.

Yo! I served in Nam!
Did I mention that?
I'll say it again,
cause I can.
Got six more months of this
shit, how long with this take?
Right wing media
don't cut me a break.

I'm John Kerry!
You don't like that?
Well then I'm not.
And then I am!
See the difference?
I served in Nam!


Ed Gillespie is a bitch!
Trying to switch
the topic of discussion
to something other
than my service in Vietnam.
Sorry Ed,
you thought the topic was dead?
Not till I said,
it was over! So F-you.
Yeah, I swear! I'm the common man?
Half billion dollars, schooled in Switzerland,
Just like you, or not, hey I was in Nam!


Europe don't like us,
I can fix that,
cause I'm a Democrat.
Where my allowance at?!?
Speakin?4 languages
None of them truth?
Don't have an SUV,
well, yes, I do.
Didn't fund the troops.
But I am,
the guy who served in Vietnam!

[chorus and end]

Thursday, April 29, 2004

How Kerry can win in Nov.

The Kerry camp is in trouble. It's in the polls. He is starting to crack under pressure. His Mathews interview didn't cement his image with the swing voters. He is appearing to not have a set of core values. Instead, he is being shown to be a political opportunist who has only a cursory acquaintance with the truth. And this head to head competition is only about 10 weeks old. This isn't good for Kerry and Co. Here, I will tell you how he can win.

His 3 biggest negatives:

He says dumb things. I voted for it before I didn't vote for it. I have an SUV and then I don't have one, it's my family's. I threw medals and ribbons but I still have my medals. He is spending more time playing defense than he is playing offense. It is never healthy for a campaign when you have to waste valuable airtime explaining away things instead of using it to get your message across.

He has both sides of several issues. He has to stand for something, we just don抰 know what that is. If you come across a topic that is a politically hot potato, you should not be nuanced, you should be vague, What is the difference? Being vague means you leave out specifics. Being nuanced is when you give specifics and then have to backtrack later to explain them. To be honest, Kerry is not very good with this because he is so self absorbed that he thinks he can get away with it. Hey John, it might have worked in AAA ball, but it won't work in Prime Time.

He's boring. Sorry to say it so plainly, but he is boring. His voice is monotone. He has one facial expression. He looks like it takes effort for him to smile. In the end, he doesn't come across in the media as a likable guy. And that is part of being the President like it or not. You have to inspire confidence in the people of America. You have to make them believe that you will be the one to make their lives better. You give them hope. Believe it or not, Bush is better at doing that then Kerry is right now.

He has positives, but I will explain them further down. Now what I want to do is to show J.F. Kerry how he can still pull out a win in Nov. [Ed. Note: I support Bush and I hope he beats Kerry in Nov. This is simply an effort in critical thinking and political analysis.]

Things he needs to stress more:

Accomplishments as a Middlesex prosecutor. He needs to let people know that he was tough on bad people. He needs to let people know that he stood up to bad people and put them away. He hasn't mentioned this once on all the shows that he does or in the interviews. He needs to make this relevant and show that he will be bad on evil terrorists who want to hurt innocent Americans.

He doesn't really want to bring up that he was Lieutenant Governor of Massachusetts. The governor at the time was Mike Dukakis who failed in ?8 against Bush the elder and had the horrific idea for weekend furloughs of convicted felons (think Willie Horton). If brought up, he can decline to his job as DA prosecutor.

His record on the environment. He needs to show why he is better for the environment than Bush is. This isn't because he is going to win any swing voters or that this is even an important issue with the average American voter. But he does need to shore up the Green vote which is shifting to Nader. Plus, it never hurts to tell soccer-moms that you will make little Billy's air cleaner or little Suzy's water better to drink. But he needs to shore up the Greenies who are rabid activists and who WILL vote come Nov (they just aren't sure for who).
An additional part of this is the idea that we must cut our foreign dependence on oil to strengthen National Security. But Kerry must (and I repeat it) MUST not say dumb things like Bush and his oil buddies? People are already tired of that line and ever time you use it, you sound like a bitter Al Gore. Instead, leave out the oil companies and try to instill some hope that with American ingenuity we can decrease our dependence on foreign fuels. "We can help clean up the environment. And with American innovation, there is no reason we shouldn't be leading the world with new technology and creating new jobs". Something along those lines.

Explain how he is going to help people get health care. People are worried about this topic because many jobs today don't have health insurance and the ones that do are costing people more and more each month. He has to come up with something that will not be considered Big Government giveaways? And the best way to do this is to always give people a tax-credit? If you have to directly tax other people to give away health care to people, it's welfare? If you have to tax people to increase govt. revenues because some people aren't paying as much because of health care tax credits, it's not welfare (funny, but for the majority of Americans, it's how it's viewed).
The cost of health care is skyrocketing. Kerry has to address this with a clear plan that won't cost too much. Bush had one package, Kerry needs to top it and explain it in clear terms.

Tuition rates are rising. Kerry can complain as much as he wants about No Child Left Behind, but most people like the idea. So he needs a new educational issue. And what better than tuition tax-credits. It plays out the same in middle America as the health issue does. And if America is going to compete in the 21st century we need to have as many well educated people in the workforce as possible. Education is the gift we give our children to ensure our future? Yeah, I like the sound of that. It's hard to vote against something that will let people afford a college education.

Kerry needs to set a clear foreign policy. Not just on Iraq, but on how America will lead in the 21st century and beyond. Americans will not accept being subservient to the UN. So he should tailor his message to how he will help lead the US and the nations of the World to make the world a safer place for all? He needs to explain how he could have gotten more nations to contribute to Iraq, but he has to do it without saying that the UN is THE solution. The UNSCAM (oil for food) scandal will shut down any chance for him to say the UN is the answer. Instead, he must focus on his experience as part of the Foreign Relations Committee. But stay away from saying anything about foreign leaders endorsements. Instead say things like 揑 have for almost 2 decades worked with representatives of other nations on items such as peace and security?blah blah blah? But he needs to say exactly where we are headed and not be general about it. Bush did this to near perfection in 2000 and he won because of it (even if he made a 180 on foreign policy after 9-11).

He needs to explain that he isn't that much different from Bush (but in good ways). This is where he will try to get the swing voters. For example in Iraq he has mostly the same plan (stay the course, democracy is good, yadda yadda). His poll numbers went up when he admitted that he would stay the course and not punk out. He needs to explain how he will stay the course EVEN IF his plans to "internationalize" Iraq do not work. The majority of Americans understand how important Iraq now is to our national security and he needs to let them know he won抰 just run at the first rough patch that we come across.
Where he and Bush agree he needs to let people know that. He just has to let them know how he will do it better.

Style and Substance

Everything is perception. Bad substance can be covered up with great style. So he needs to improve how people perceive him as a person (which is pretty negative). Straight up? He needs to smile a lot more. He is morose and angry in almost every interview you see him in. He is angry at every stump speech he gives. Like I said above, people want a character who will give them hope for a better tomorrow. John Edwards ran a great campaign on that idea, and for someone with only 2 years political experience, he did incredibly well. A positive campaign also did wonders for a guy from Arkansas who sat in the White House for 8 years.

You can't simply win an election by only explaining why your opponent's strategy is wrong. You win it by explaining why your strategy is right. In every single interview and clip you see Kerry in, he says the same thing: "The Bush policies are wrong for America". Yeah, John we hear you, why not trying to tell us why you are so right? He would do a lot better if he never mentioned the Bush administration. Just take it out of some (not all) of the speeches. And instead he should tailor his speeches to use that time more effectively into articulating his vision for tomorrow.

Kerry needs to come to grips with who is he. Right now he is the "Anybody" for the
"Anybody But Bush" crowd of the Democratic party. He needs to spend more time as John Kerry the next President of the United States? If he doesn't start looking more Presidential, he will end up just being the junior Senator from Massachusetts.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

One More for the Road

*This piece is not for sensitive eyes*

One more thing before I head to bed. I love the Democratic Underground. They have some of the nicest and most eloquent people. And they supply with me with almost as much material as a John Kerry interview.

In a fresh post to the DU, mopaul (who is a rather prolific typer) has the following thoughts about something that will never happen anytime soon (i.e. the draft):

i've raised 3 fine children into adulthood, the youngest is 20, and you ain't gonna get him bush! i don't know exactly what i'll do, but believe me, when you start drafting our children to turn into killing monsters you'll have me, mo paul, to deal with! you won't get away with it. you want to play war president? grab a fucking rifle cowardly asshole! where were YOU in viet nam you crackhead?
the day the draft is launched, soon after your planned coup de tat election theft #2, your ass if finished! we will take to the streets to protect our sons and daughters from your draft plans. and if your own two daughters are not immediately drafted, we will kick your ass! if my fine son wants to go fight for you, he will, and i won't stop him. but if you FORCE him to go, you will see an uprising and a civil unrest like you never dreamed of sissyboy! fuck you and your draft plans asshole, it won't work. we won't allow it! we will see the white house BURNT DOWN before we let you and your insane war profiteers offer up our children to your god of war and profit! you lied to us all about iraq, and 9-11 and every other fucking thing and now you're lying about the draft. you send army recruiters right to my front door with little white envelopes and i REFUSE TO ANSWER! fuck your army recruiters! you want a fucking war? do it yourself fuckhead! leave my son OUT OF IT!

Now, I didn't edit any of that. That is all (mo) paul. And while I would never get between a dog and his bone, I do have a couple of thoughts (of course):

1) Chances of the Draft Resolution ever passing unless we got into a fight with say...China, are slim to none. The Draft bill that is in the House is HR 163 and it hasn't been touched in over a year. The Senate version (S.89) couldn't even get one co-sposor. Like I said, if we get into WWIII with another large nation (or bloc), we might have to bring back the draft. But we would probably do that anyway (unless of course we resorted to nukes, then all bets are off). Is our military streched thin? Absolutly. Are there still bad people who need killin'? Absolutly. But until the Sec. Def. says that we need a draft, I am not going to waste digital bits typing about it (any more than I have wasted here).

2) The US military is meeting nearly all of their recruiting and retention goals. There isn't the massive flood of military people leaving after their service is up. Could it be that maybe the soldiers on the ground there know a little more about what is happening than either you or I?

Our military has been a volunteer service for almost 3 decades and it is the best in the world. And just about everyone in Washington on both sides of the aisle aim to keep it that way. So take it easy there big guy. If we ever have to go back to a draft, then you will have plenty to be angry about. But it won't be Iraq that does it.

Hat Tip: Dizzy Girl

Damn You Discovery Channel

You know what I hate? Crappy Reality TV shows on good networks. The Discovery Channel is great and has some of the best programming out there. And there have been some nights that it has bailed me out with some fricken awesome shows. However, they also have some really crappy shows on. One of them is called "Double Agents". At first I thought it was going to be a really cool spy show. As it turns out, it's just a family buying a house and two real estate agents show them homes. At the end, the family picks one. Wow. What drama.

Right now I am watching a show about building the "Ultimate Tree House". The problem is that the show has no likable characters and they focus almost no time on the actual design of the house. It's all "and in our next segment, tempers flare! Will they finish in time?....". Another show I can't stand is "Rally Round the House". And it's not because I am sick of all the interior design shows (which I am), but it is because everyone of the cast members are happy all the damn time. You just know that when they are off camera, they are chain smoking and drinking scotch out of a boot flask.

Discovery Channel has some awesome shows, but I think they just make all these reality shows as just filler so there isn't dead air (kind of like what ABC does with it's entire Tuesday night lineup).

Italy, please don't blink

So the militant Islamic group Green Brigade has 3 Italian hostages and are threatening to execute them unless Italians take to the street to protest their government's involvement in the coalition. The death of another hostage, Fabrizio Quattrocchi, galvanized the Italian people behind their President (albeit for a short time).

I am curious to know whether the far left activist groups will try and have a rally this weekend in Milan or Rome. What would Berlusconi do? Refuse to let them protest? His own political support isn't all that strong as it is. But I think in the end, the people of Italy would react very negatively to a large and organized protest. They would view it as a capitulation to the terrorist's demands. And if any significant number of people in the protest we foreign nationals, I think that many in Italy would believe that these activists are just using this incident to push their own agendas instead of doing it for the presumed safety of the hostages.

I doubt that Berlusconi will blink on this one. If the 3 hostages are killed, there will be a temporary show of support for the government, and then anger that Italy is in Iraq at all. But the demand of the Green Brigade shows that these people are becoming more and more politically savvy as time goes on.

Monday, April 26, 2004


"I threw those medals before I didn't throw them."

This is why I love watching politics. Or in this case it is the politics of self destruction.

But I don't think Kerry's problem is so much his casual acquaintance with the truth. It's that he isn't a likable guy. People are much more inclined to vote for a liar if he seems cool (think Clinton). All presidential candidates from the two major parties lie. It's how they got to be in that position to begin with.

Medalgate? It's not that big a deal in the entire scheme of the election. It isn't going to be the key thing that sinks his chance at being President. But it will show people that being nuanced isn't always a characteristic of intelligence.

"That depends on what your definition of 'throw' is."

He isn't helping himself.

Friday, April 23, 2004

Friday Conundrum

PETA is against animal testing. What is their policy on pet food?

And you think our economy is bad...

From Reuters:

Pair Auction Child on Internet for $1.18

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German woman and a male friend face prosecution for human trafficking after they put the woman's daughter up for auction on the Internet at a starting price of one euro ($1.18), authorities said on Wednesday.

A photograph of the 8-year-old child was posted by the man, from the Bavarian town of Traunstein, who later told police he had placed the offer to test the online auction system.

The senior state prosecutor investigating the case said both the man, 35, and mother, 41, faced charges of attempted child trafficking.

"Three people made offers for the child and the bidding price reached 25.50 euros before the item was removed after between three to four hours by the company's security," he said.

Like other countries in western Europe, Germany has seen a surge in human trafficking in recent years as well as a number of high-profile child pornography cases often connected with the Internet.

Baucus Ruckus

Ok, so a Democratic Senator's wife gets into a brawl with another customer at a lawn 'n garden store and she gets charged with assault. Am I the only one cheering her on? No offense to Democrats, but when your wife is the only one willing to throw down and kick some ass, well, it kind of makes me think your entire party is a bunch of wussies.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Like Frat Boys Need Any More Excuses

As it turns out, beer and wine may help prevent brest cancer. Great. I can see it now.

"Honest baby, drink it, it's good for your health."


"Yeah, baby. I read it on MSN. So drink this box of wine and I'll give you a free breast exam just to prove it to you."

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Everyone Calm Down

The market took a dive today on the assumption that interests rates will rise some time this year. While Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan did not say it directly, investors believe that the Fed will raise rates because of remarks Greenspan gave today on Capitol Hill.

The Dow was up 20 points before Greenspan's remarks and then dropped 40 points quickly after, ending the day down more than 120 by the market抯 close. Tomorrow will be even more telling for the markets when the Fed Chair will be before the Joint Economic Committee of Congress. If he hints that interest rates will be raised this year, you may see another sell off in the markets as you will see profit taking and a consolidation of peoples' positions for a higher interest rate environment.

But before we decry higher interest rates and fear this will doom our growing economy, we must look at some important market factors. First of all is that we have had exceptionally low rates for an exceptionally long period of time. This is what helped fuel that massive increases in home ownership and home refinancing that we have seen in the last two years. It is also what has made home prices skyrocket and has made people jittery that we will see the housing bubble burst. A growing economy will still increase demand on housing, but at a slower rate than we have seen.

Secondly, with an increase in the prime rate, we will have finally gotten rid of the specter of deflation (a massive dive in prices卾ery bad stuff). Not that this has been on anyone抯 mind over the last few months, but it was a concern and we were able to avoid it. An increase in the prime rate will also have an impact of foreign investment that is currently sitting in foreign markets that have higher rates of return.

Thirdly, as the labor market increases there will be an increase of disposable income being put into the market from these new workers?paychecks. This increase of money tends to drive up the cost of goods (increased competition for goods raises the price of goods). An increase of the prime rate will make it more expensive for people to borrow money from the banks (higher interest rates on loans) and therefore helps to minimize the impact of inflation.

The Fed under Greenspan has a history of believing that inflation is the pariah of the economic universe. Greenspan believes that dealing with inflationary measures is one of the surest ways to keep an economy healthy. So if he believes that there is an inflationary pressure upward on the market, he will not hesitate to raise rates, even in an election year (which is why the Fed is largely separate from the politics of Washington).

Unlike the money makers on the Street and the economic pundits on tv, I take a different view. I can抰 wait for the interest rates to rise. Why? Because knowing Greenspan, he is only going to raise rates when he absolutely must. And that will mean that our labor market is such that there is going to be inflationary pressures. A quickly growing labor market means more people are going to work, paying taxes, and have money to spend. An increase in rates will push off the chance that the housing market will burst. And in increase in rates will make America a more attractive place to invest.

Not 5 years ago we had a prime rate of over 7% and today it is only 1%. This market and the American economy can handle a small increase this year. It will probably happen this summer. It gives Greenspan more jobs numbers to base internal inflationary pressure on the market unrelated to commodity prices outside of our control (oil and metals). The market will price in the increase in rates so while there may be a temporary sell off in the markets, it won抰 have all that much of an effect.

End of the year prediction? Dow 11,400.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Kerry Needs a nickle

And could only hope for a dime...

The next 10 days will be very telling for the Kerry campaign. If the Democratic nominee can not steal up at least 5 points in the polls against Bush, then he is going to have a nearly impossible task of defeating Bush in November. This next week and a half will show whether or not the Kerry camp can put together a definitive set of policies that will give the American people a definitive and distinct choice in November. If he can not deliver this by May, he can look forward to returning to being the junior Senator from Massachusetts.

The next week or so will be telling. Things have not been going well for Bush. The situation in Iraq has deteriorated. And while it is not the quagmire?that Vietnam was, it is not the smiling people welcoming us as liberators?as Cheney and Rumsfeld were hoping for (and promised a tenative American public). This does not bode well for Bush. But what does Kerry say his plan would be? Internationalize? Bring in the U.N.? This is a weak micro-political answer to a complex macro-political question: How does a democratic Iraq benefit the national security of the US? Kerry is looking for the fastest way out that permits a mediocre result.

Another blow to the Bush Administration will be the new Woodward book. This book will bring light to some of the darker rumors heard around Washington and given Woodward's credibility, it will put the Bush re-election campaign into a position where it does not want to burn political capital and valuable free media time trying explain away things from a novel. But how will Kerry respond? He can't really attack Bush on parts of Woodward's book that are attributed to 搃nside sources? Democrats tried this on Robert Novak after the Plame kerfuffle, and it didn't have the desired effect.

A third factor has been the report that the Saudi government will try to increase production in order to lower the price of gas in time for the election. This would most certainly help the incumbent in an election year and would help alleviate the strain on the growing US economy and the American voter. But what is Kerry willing to do? Is he willing to ride a wave of anti-Saudi animosity found in many Americans? How would he reconcile that with having to deal with a Saudi royal house that would get booted out of control if there was ever a democratic election (in the place of far more extreme elements in control of the world's largest oil reserves)?

Kerry may get lucky to open up a five point lead on Bush at the end of the next 10 days, but he better hope for 10 points. His positions do not outline him as a clear alternative (even though the RNC claims it does, much to their own glee). It outlines him as an alternative on paper only. And when it comes down to it, voters will not change presidents when there is only a marginal difference between the candidates. In these times, voters are looking for stability (both economic and political).

Kerry thus far has not been able to describe to the American people how he would be different in such a way to warrant a massive swing in public opinion. If he can not demonstrate to the American public how can bring them both hope and security, and can stop the bloodshed in Iraq, he will find it hard to describe why a majority of Americans should vote for him. And he will only have himself to blame.

Monday, April 19, 2004

Death Toll Hits 700

This is the April 6th Blog entry from Bill over at EjectEjectEject! that I though I would share. In the midst of the grim news coming out of Iraq, I found it to calm me. Enjoy.

These have been tough days for our countrymen in Iraq. They may yet get tougher. But it will do us all some good to take a deep breath, and look at what some of our ancestors had to face in similar dark moments.

The killings in Fallujah of four civilian aid workers, and the subsequent mutilation of their bodies by cheering thugs and bloody-handed children filled me with rage and an overwhelming desire to turn my back on these savages and leave them to their own murderous history. Many of those people deserve nothing better. And I am bitterly disappointed that, having failed to overthrow their own murdering tyrant, the wider population of Iraqis has failed to rise to the occasion when their freedom was paid for them with the blood of our own sons and daughters.

This, of course, is exactly, precisely the reaction those murdering bastards were counting on, and I mean to do what I can to see that they do not get rewarded for their actions. They had assumed that if enough Americans could be killed, we would turn tail and run. This is not an unreasonable strategy on their part; we have trained these monsters to believe this about us in Beirut and Somalia, and the price we paid for minimizing pain then is coming due now, and will continue to come due until we can install some new programming into the surviving savages that commit these crimes.

Failing to achieve this result with sheer numbers, they have decided to multiply our disgust with their primal bloodlust and celebratory orgies -- and as a knee-jerk reaction to this atrocity, I must say it does have a power all its own.

The Ba抋thists in Fallujah are counting on us to do one of two things: throw up our hands in disgust and walk away, in which case they win; or retaliate so brutally and indiscriminately that the general population of Iraqis tilts away from reform and back into the hands of their sadistic former masters ?in which case, they win again. This siding with their prior torturers, of course, is an emotional and childish response, but I do not yet behold vast oceans of clear, unemotional, rational thought among natives of the Middle East.

So now, we ?you and I -- will have to supply enough of that for both our countries.

Fallujah is a bunker; they have a bunker mentality, and like all last stands of doomed ideologies they intend to go out in a blaze of glory. Against these animals we have sent Marines armed with Frisbees for native children, and donated medical and firefighting gear to show friendship and good will to communities that commit these kinds of atrocities. That is an appropriate first gesture, and a reflection of the essential goodness and generosity of the American character.

(Note to The Left: When these things happen, Real Nazis shoot hostages. Thousands of them. Every time you use that word to describe this country you spit in the face of those terrified, untold millions who died in a ditch with hands bound behind their back.)

But let us remember the motto of the Marines is 搕here is no better friend and no worse enemy than the U.S. Marine Corps.?Having tried the better friend approach, many in Fallujah may now, through their own brutal and sadistic choice, experience the alternative. Perhaps they will chose differently the next time they face such an option. For many of those that committed this act, their opportunities to chose anything have ended, today. Bury them with Uday and Qusay.

We have seen Fallujah before: this dying gasp of the last holdouts of a sadistic regime, enemies to their own people, has played out in Berlin in recent memory and all throughout history.

Of far more consequence is the nation-wide revolt currently underway among Shiites loyal to Muqtada al-Sadr. Al Sadr, we may remember, is widely credited with ordering the stabbing assassination of his fellow cleric at the door to Iraq抯 holiest site. His 揳rmy?is an army in the same way that the Crips were an 揳rmy?in Los Angeles. They are thugs. They now face a real army, and I predict it will not be at all to their liking.

But the fact remains that we have lost a lot of good men these past few days, and there is a natural inclination to see failure and hopelessness in this huge task we have set ourselves to.

So keep this in mind:

In late 1864, after horrendous casualties, the Union was bogged down in the trenches surrounding Richmond and had chased the western Rebels into the fastness of Atlanta ?and seemed not a day closer to victory than they had at Gettysburg, an unimaginably bloody year before.

Then, as now, the newspapers were ablaze with lurid headlines of the failure of the war, and then, as now, a Democrat was running on a peace now platform. He too was a former soldier who claimed to want to protect the troops by bringing them home from a fight they should never have been in in the first place.

Things looked so bleak for the Republican president that he had his entire cabinet sign the back of an unopened letter; he claimed that since he, Lincoln, seemed certain to lose the election in November he would have only until March to finish the war and needed the blind support of the men who surrounded him.

How bleak must that have been for the millions of Americans who had supported the war against slavery for three years of meat-grinder horror? How dark must their night have been, after all that blood and treasure, to think that the South would be able to walk away and gain through the Union ballot box what they had failed to win on so many blood-soaked fields? What kind of fear was that?

Or what about the home front in 1944? The invasion, though brutal on the beaches, had gone very well. The Americans, British and Canadians had broken through the hedgerows of Normandy, and Patton was covering almost a hundred miles a day as he thrust the dagger of his Third Army into the heart of the German western front. The war in Europe, surely, might be over in a few weeks.

What then of the shock and fear when news came of unlimited Panzer divisions pouring through the Ardennes? We lost more Americans in the Battle of the Bulge than at any other time in the European theater? How sat our parents and grandparents in December of 1944, huddled around the radio, listening to news of mass American surrenders and unstoppable Nazi spearheads? How did they persevere?

What we face, today, in Iraq is trivial compared to these moments, and I no longer believe that our American fathers and great-great-great grandfathers were made of better stuff than we are. They, too had their defeatists and appeasers and critics and naysayers; they too had to face the darkness of the unknown now, before history could light these moments as the darkness before the dawn of victory.

The indispensable Steven Den Beste today writes that these insurgents in action today across Iraq have made a monumental error; and I will not presume to repeat his argument because I could never improve upon it. But against these darkness-before-the-dawn moments of 1864 and 1944, we can behold a darker shadow; that of Tet, 1968. There, the North Vietnamese gambled on what turned into a massive battlefield defeat, a disaster of the first order. But we 杦e, ourselves ?decided to run from that fight. And now we may behold the consequences.

There were many people who, in good conscience, were against our presence in Vietnam. Many today feel the same about Iraq. But the fact remains for both groups: this argument is good and necessary before we go to war; once there, they enemies of America have one way and one way only to defeat this nation, and that is from within. They are counting on Janeane Garofolo and Kos and Michael Moore and Sarandon and Franken and Rather. The bodies on the Fallujah bridge are for them. And, sadly, it seems they know their audience.

But if our enemies can learn from Vietnam and Beirut and Mogadishu?so can we.

Chin up! These car-bombing cowards who hide behind women and children have made a monumental miscalculation. Believe it. Go read this and this.

Then be silent and introspective, for today our men and women are dying for the one idea worth dying for. And take from their sacrifice not defeat and sadness, but a solemn and sacred appreciation that three or four nations throughout an entire world that quivers in fear of these savages has the guts and the courage and the will to finish this job and bring freedom and security to a people that may not yet have earned it.

Remember: we fight this 12th century Death Cult in Iraq or we fight them in New York. We chose. We will soon enough see if the Iraqis have earned the freedom Americans are dying to protect tonight.

That is irrelevant. We fight for our freedom. We have earned it.

[Ed. Note: Posted with permission]

Friday, April 16, 2004

Bush needs British Accent

People talk about how W. isn't all that articulate. That doesn't bother me. I just think he needs to get a British accent.

He and Blair say almost the exact same thing, but it always sounds better coming out of Blair's mouth.

Dripping with glazed irony

Sometimes the jokes just sort of write themselves.

The Shaky Global Economy

From Reuters:

Last elves fired from Santa's HQ

HELSINKI (Reuters) - The last three worker elves at Father Christmas's official headquarters in Finland's Arctic have been fired as Santa Park grapples with its finances.

"It is really unfortunate that we had to fire them, but there is just no work," said Wille Rajala, the park's fourth director since it opened in 1998. "The person who has been called the head elf... still works for Santa Park."

Lack of visitors has meant that the number of Santa's little helpers is now down to two, a far cry from plans to employ 120 staff on a monthly wage when the park opened.

Some 800 km (500 miles) north of Helsinki, this is where letters addressed just "To Santa" arrive. The elves were supposed to help Santa and guide visitors around the park.

"During these five years (Santa Park) has been able to employ a fraction of the 120 staff for a maximum of three months (a year), usually for about eight weeks," Rajala said, adding the sacked elves had been on temporary leave since last August.

Santa Park made its first operating profit last year, but the company's bottom line remained in the red as it still has annual costs of some 400,000 euros (267,280 pounds) related to the initial construction of the park to pay for the next 15 years.

"It is unfortunate that the illusion that was once created has been shattered, but now it's time to look reality in the eyes and (decide) whether we want Santa Park to rise... My contract says: put things in order," Rajala said.

The Kerry campaign has just released the following statement:

"The firing of this elf is yet again proof that the Bush Administration's policies are wrong. Wrong for the working class, wrong for America, and wrong for the families of Elves. Under my plan, these Elves would get a tax cut and have access to more affordable health care. How many more Christmases have to be ruined before we vote Bush out of office?"

Bush Lied? Not so fast...

This will of course add to the entire question of Iraq's WMDs. Just to let you know, you will have to register to read the whole thing, but here is an excerpt.

"Large amounts of nuclear-related equipment, some of it contaminated, and a small number of missile engines have been smuggled out of Iraq for recycling in European scrap yards, according to the head of the United Nations' nuclear watchdog and other U.N. diplomats."

Of course, this will be spun by both the right and the left to mean whatever each side wants. I would just like to point out that in the article, it says that it was a U.N. investigation that lead to this discovery and therefor it can't just be called a CIA coverup (even though some on the left will call it that anyways).

Thursday, April 15, 2004

The world needs more women like this.

On CNNFN today Irshad Manji talked about the need to reform Islam and how Muslims (and non-Muslims alike) need to start thinking critically about the Koran. Manji, a Canadian raised Muslim, discussed how the war in Iraq (and the subsequent securing of women's rights) may affect the future of Islamic faith as it relates to Fundamentalism.

She has just come out with a new book. On a topic this personal to people, you will of course find people who either loved and hated the book. I will try to find it if I can and decide the merits of her work by myself. But I am glad that she has stepped up to the plate to lend a voice for a more moderate form of faith.

Update: If I can find a transcript of her interview, I will post it later.

Update #2: I could, so I didn't.

Alternative Fuels

Now, every now and again, I get railed at for being a hypocrite. I am a big proponent of the free market, yet I also have this naive belief that government can help guide in a slightly more noble direction.

One case in point is that I do think there should be better environmental standards and fuel efficiency standards. And when I say this, people say "you can't support free markets and also want government control of those markets" or something like that.

Then I came across this article on how pig manure can become crude oil. Now, I am not naive to think that we will solve foreign dependence on foreign oil with this. But I do see environmental benefits of being able to turn manure into a useful product. Think about it. The waste has to go somewhere so it doesn't seep into the water table. And if we are able to create a viable product with it, so much the better.

However, the main reason why I think the concept deserves more attention is the idea that the fuel could be made (in the future) for a little at $10/ barrel. Now of course it would end up being more than that, but just the possibility deserves more research.

Happy Tax Day!

Happy Tax Day folks! I expect at least a 50% drop in my readership today due to Tax Day, so I will try to remain pithy and light for the next few hours before I head off to work.

Unlike many of you, I already finished my taxes a month ago and got my tax return (which I used to finance this blog). Because I like money, I always do my taxes the first week or two of Feb. Plus I am already stressed enough as it is and I don't like deadlines. So today instead of Alka-Seltzer and Peptol, I'll be chowing down on Taco Bell and Comedy Central.

Now as we all know this year's Tax Freedom Day was the earliest it's been in years. And we are seeing the positive effects of having more money in people's pockets with increases in consumer spending. This phenomenon should last another couple of months as people continue to get their income tax returns back.

This increase in consumer spending, if coupled with job creation, would be a political boon to the Bush administration. However, if there is too much spending or too much job growth, we might see a rise in interest rates down the line before the election, which would be a political benefit for the Kerry campaign.

Stone loses his street cred.

Not that I had any respect for him as an artist, but the entire piece by Oliver Stone on Fidel Castro was a joke. Essentially it was a propagandad piece for Castro to enter the home of average Americans. The 8 hijackers taking Stone's questions? A joke....Showtrial. His speach on infant mortality rates compared to the US? False. The Carter piece? Befuddles me.

Really, Oliver Stone looks star struck. Stone is not a journalist. And he does not make documentaries. He is a sham. And he will have lost any street cred' he had with this piece.

Update: Ann Louise Bardach interviews Stone and shows you how loony he really is.

Tenet Don't take no crap.

For as much as pundits have been calling for George Tenet's head on a platter for 9/11, I take another view. He has a job that is counter intuitive by it's nature. With most jobs, you get recognition when you do well. With the CIA, you are only recognized when you fail.

I am sure that the CIA has done some amazing stuff over the last few years that almost nobody will ever hear about. And I think Tenet is one of the few people who really understands the world as it is and should be the one to institue the changes needed to adapt the CIA to the 21st century.

Watching him in front of the 9/11 panel, I think it is also amazing that he hasn't hopped the table and beat the members of commission with thier own arms. You can tell how pissed off he is by how much he just looks down and plays with his little rubber band.

In a town where politics trumps common sense, he is a breath of fresh air. He gets IT. He understands. It would horrify me if he were to get the axe because it was politically expedient.

Free Markets in Socialist Countries

A LOCAL councillor fed up with the exorbitant prices of Britain's dentists has come up with an alternative plan. He will ship people to France for cheap operations on what he is calling The Tooth Ferry.

Bernard Buckle, who represents Cowes on the Isle of Wight, off the south coast of England, has already gained interest from more than 20 people in his plan to organise a coach and ferry trip to Normandy, north France.

Buckle was quoted by Britain's press today, saying he felt that travelling to continental Europe was the only way for people living on the Isle of Wight to receive affordable dental treatment.

Britain's free National Health Service does not offer treatment on the Isle of Wight.

The cost of having a cavity filled was approximately 20 euro ($32.67) in France with similar treatment costing about 75 euro ($122.50) privately in Britain.

"Treatment appears to be cheaper in France because there is greater competition for trade between dentists and they receive much larger government subsidies," Buckle said.

Agence France-Presse

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Iraq's postwar oil exports exceed $7.5 billion

The boys at Reuters have an article about Iraq's oil revenues. I think this is good news that doesn't get enough play in the media. I also think that there should be more information on the projects that have been funded by this oil revenue. For as much as the global community was able to put together for aid to Iraq, eventually they will have to pay their own bills.

In my opinion, the money should be used to pay first for security. This above all other things must be taken care of first. Only when there is security on the ground and in the streets will foreign investment come into the country with any speed. Iraq is a large market and countries and companies will be fighting each other tooth and nail to build the infrastructure for the Iraqis.

Secondly, the revenues must be used for infrastructure improvements that are not taken care of by foreign investment. This would include educational facilities, irrigation, and transportation facilities. All of these are important for the future of Iraq's economic improvement.

I like the fact that there is some transparency in account the oil revenues go into. And the boys from Reuters are sure to point that out:

"Under a May 2003 U.N. Security Council resolution, the Coalition Provisional Authority is required to deposit all the proceeds of Iraqi oil exports into the fund. The resolution was intended to ensure Iraq's secretive U.S.-led civil administration was not engaged in any dubious practices in marketing Iraq's oil and using the money for reconstruction."

Yeah, one would hate to think that there would be any dubious uses of oil revenues...

I would buy one if it looked cool.

Last week I got into a debate over at Dean's World with someone about setting fuel standards. I also said that I would drive an SUV if it got 40 mpg. My debate foe said that we will get SUVs that get 40 mpg right around the time we broke the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics.

Well, I didn't break any laws but Ford has come out with a "Guilt Free SUV" that is a hybrid reaching 40 mpg. Now as long as it doesn't look like the dumb ass Honda Element, I would be interested in getting one of these new Escapes. It would drop my gas bill by about $600 a year and helping the environment would get me out of a few years in Pergatory.

Plus, it would be really fun to take pictures of it and then send postcards to whiney Europeans. Not only will our SUV's crush them, but we'll get better gas mileage too.

Somebody Please Listen to Me!!!

So, in his infinite wisdom (a Noble Peace Prize means he knows what he is talking about) Arafat is putting his foot down and claiming that US backing for Sharon will destroy the peace process.

Is it me, or has Arafat been sleeping for the last year. Peace process? There isn't a whole lot of peace in the area. At least Sharon is doing something (the merits of which are open to debate in the comments section).

Arafat reminds me of the 60 year old actress who walks around in vintage clothing expecting her agent to call. You know, the one who used to be popular back in the day: "I used to be a star!"

Not that I have any respect for Arafat, but he is wearing thin even the dignity that I give all human beings. He should just keep quiet and look into his new career, movie critic.

Kyoto a No-No

After Russia decided to not ratify the Kyoto fiasco, it pretty much made the entire thing worth less than the nice paper it was written on (and think of how many trees we had to cut down to make that paper!) But you won't see me crying about it. The entire basis for it was flawed and unfair to the US (which means that it was pretty much a bad idea from the get go).

Now don't come crying to me because I say that it was so flawed that it would wreck the US and never had a chance in hell to be ratified. That's just the plain truth. The US produces 25% of the world's pollution, yet we also drive about 55% of the world's economy. So give me a break if I don't think that the most penalized country (the US) in the treaty doesn't want to follow it.

Now, you might be saying "But Gilly, I am a whiny European who loves the Earth! You should do this on principle!" Good point. I mean if countries should follow the Kyoto treaty on principle, they would follow it even before it was implemented, right?

Hat tip: Dean

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Don't apologize for me.

You know what annoys the hell out of me? When people say stupid things like:

"On be half of my country, I apologize...blah blah blah."

Don't do that. It's stupid. Unless you are the elected leader of the country or a major representative, you don't speak for me. So don't. You look like a Muppett. I don't answer your phone pretending to be you, so don't cry to people and apologize to people pretending to be me.

Democrats and Money

So, as it turns out....The Democratic National Convention will be held in Boston this year. There were cheers from the local businesses of Boston who thought that holding the convention would be a $122 million boon for the local economy. And there was much rejoicing in the streets. And a choir of Angels looked upon Boston and God said "It is good".

And then the choir of Angels took out some maps and realized how bad it was going to be to coordinate a Democratic National Convention in the least well designed city in America. Now I have lived in the Boston Metro area for many many years. And I love the city's charm. But anyone who has ever commuted to work in Boston will tell just ain't laid out too well.

So now commuters and businesses are starting to realize that because of security, this entire endeavor might not be as profitable as they originally thought and that Boston might end up losing $25 Million out of the entire deal. Democrats taking your money? Who would have ever thunk it?

Campaign Ads

As we get closer and closer to the election, we will see more and more political ads from each candidate. Here is one that I like because it is simple, has graphs and charts, and has cool music.

Of course, everyone has their own ideas of what a political ad should look like.

Frank J, over at IMAO.US has his own idea for campaign ads.


One of the best webmags out there on a really boring and tedious topics is In this month's issue, there is a long but incredibly interesting article on the impact of Latino immigration to the US and what the future may hold.

Depending on your viewpoint, massive immigration from Mexico can eithe be a boon or a bane. But from an Anglo/Protestant viewpoint, the US is going to face a vary similar crisis that is starting to pervade the European Union where you have migrants who are not assimilating. African muslims are moving into the EU to provide a cheap labor base. But they do not see themselves as Europeans first and Muslims second. They see it the other way around.

In a similar fashion, Mexicans are moving to the United States and are not assimilating into the American culture. Quite the opposite in fact. They see themselves as Mexicans who just happen to be living and working in the United States (even if they have been here for 20 years).

During debates on this issue, I am confronted with the idea that "illegal Mexicans only help the US economy because they spend money here and keep prices down". That would be a good point, if only it were true. What illegals don't do though is that they don't pay taxes and they compete for low paying jobs which drive down incomes for poor families. They also sap community resources without paying any taxes for them. A third point is that all the money made is NOT staying in the US. During a radio interview with the BBC, Vicente Fox actually bragged that Mexicans working in the US are sending over $10Billion a year back across the border to be spent in the Mexican economy and not the American.

Read the article for yourself. In my opinion, the US needs to do cut the crap and get tough on its immigration reform. Clamp the border hard. Export illegals (from any nation) who commit crimes. Get serious about Social Security fraud. Get rid of this rediculous notion of drivers liciences for illegals (if they want to drive, they should get the international driver's permit like everyone else). Expand our worker permit program to Eastern Europe, Africa and Asia (hey we all claim to want a diverse ethnic soup, let's get over the current 3 choices of white, black and hispanic). The alternatives...are well....I guess that depends on your point of view.

Andy Rooney..whah?!

I think Andy Rooney is losing his god damn mind.
In his most recent article, Looney Rooney has flown off the deep end...again.

"Treating soldiers fighting their war as brave heroes is an old civilian trick designed to keep the soldiers at it. But you can be sure our soldiers in Iraq are not all brave heroes gladly risking their lives for us sitting comfortably back here at home."

Yeah, us civilians....we're evil people who tricked them into volunteering to serve their country. And all of that respect I have for US Military personell must be fake too, thanks for letting me know, Andy.

It gets better (or worse depending on your view point):

"We speak of them as if they volunteered to risk their lives to save ours but there isn't much voluntary about what most of them have done. A relatively small number are professional soldiers. During the last few years, when millions of jobs disappeared, many young people, desperate for some income, enlisted in the Army."

Young people have enlisted in the military for various reasons for decades. And the point being that they did volunteer. But because you enlist and end up in a combat role, does that somehow not make you a professional?

We must support our soldiers in Iraq because it's our fault they're risking their lives there. However, we should not bestow the mantle of heroism on all of them for simply being where we sent them. Most are victims, not heroes.

No, they are heroes. You're a victim of your own self loathing. The last two paragraphs are so insane and lacking in logic that I won't even comment on them.

America's intentions are honorable. I believe that and we must find a way of making the rest of the world believe it. We want to do the right thing. We care about the rest of the world. President Bush's intentions were honorable when he took us into Iraq. They were not well thought out but honorable.

President Bush's determination to make the evidence fit the action he took, which it does not, has made things look worse. We pay lip service to the virtues of openness and honesty, but for some reason we too often act as though there was a better way of handling a bad situation than by being absolutely open and honest.

Honestly, I am befuddled.

Monday, April 12, 2004

It's the Math, Stupid

This one is from James Taranto at The Best of the Web:

In the 1970s, economist Robert Barro came up with the misery index--the sum of the inflation and unemployment rates. As The Wall Street Journal noted in an editorial last week, with inflation at 2% and unemployment at 5.7%, the current misery index of 7.7 is the lowest in a presidential re-election year in recent times. John Kerry can't very well run against this record, so he's come up with a new "misery index" of his own, the "middle-class misery index":

The Middle-class Misery Index combines seven different indicators: median family income, college tuition, health costs, gasoline cost, bankruptcies, the home ownership rate, and private-sector job growth.

This is a confusing mess. A press release from Kerry's office says the MCMI has declined during the Bush years, just as the normal misery index has--but that turns out to be a bad thing: "Unlike the original Misery Index, a higher index indicates that people are better off."

"Six of the seven indicators included in the Middle-class Misery Index deteriorated between 2000 and 2003," notes the press release; the exception is the home ownership rate. How did the Kerry campaign come up with these particular indicators? One can't help but suspect they were chosen specifically to make President Bush look bad, with one improving number thrown in so the deck doesn't look completely stacked.

But how useful is the MCMI as a gauge of a president's economic performance? The Kerry campaign provides historical data that show the index improved by six points during Jimmy Carter's presidency and dropped by five points during Ronald Reagan's. So if you think Carter's economic stewardship was better than Reagan's, you ought to vote for John Kerry.

Ed. Note: If you scroll down I have a piece on Why Do Smart People Do Dumb Things....geez, Kerry is making being a prescient pundit waaay too easy.

Sunday, April 11, 2004

Apologetic Arkansas Peeping Tom Leaves Cash, Note

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. (Reuters) - An apologetic Peeping Tom in northern Arkansas left a $20 bill and a note for his victim asking if she would not mind if he peered at her outside her window, police said on Friday.

The note and the cash were found on Monday night at an apartment complex in Mountain Home, Arkansas. Police said the writer of the letter apologized for looking into the window. They said the letter appeared to have been written on a personal computer.

Police would not release the note because the case is under investigation.

"It's kind of an odd case," said Mountain Home police Sgt. Nevin Barnes.

Bill Clinton could not be reached for comment.

Golf and Society

So, I am watching the Masters golf tournament yesterday. And Arnold Palmer is finishing his last round ever at Augusta. And the crowd is just clapping and yelling "Thanks Arnie!" and it all a very emotional time. Now this is the 50th year in a row that he has played in this tournament? Can you imagine? 50 years! He's 74 and he can still whoop 98% of the golfers in the world.

Men like Palmer, and Jack Nicklaus, and Gary Player are from a different generation. These men are giants among golfers and are a group of men that we could only pray our future generations would emulate. They played with class, professionalism, and with a respect for the game that is hard to find in sports today.

The will be missed from the game, but will always be part of its history. I could only hope that the youth of today will learn the values of those who came before them.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

Cry My Beloved NASA

So NASA decided to extend the life of the Mars rovers another 6 months... am I the only person out there that is saying "Well, duh"? We spent how many hundreds of millions of dollars on these things and so far they have only gone about 2,000 feet. In my opinion, they should drive these things until the fenders and the floorboards are rusted out.

And another thing. If they so desperate to find standing water on this planet, why the hell didn't they land the rovers within driving distance of the polar ice caps? I mean, which geniuses decided the best place to look for life was in the middle of a crater in the middle of the desert?

Listen, I am all for space exploration and trips to Mars. And I know our geeky friends over at the Kennedy Space Center think this entire endeavor has been a huge success. But if we're going to make a Tyco race car to zoom around the surface of another planet, we should have the folks at Volvo design us something that will still be trucking after 100,000 miles.

Friday, April 9, 2004

9/11 Comission Hearing

Not that I am trying to make a joke out of a commission into the intelligence failure of one of the worst attacks on American soil. The committee members did that themselves today. It's just that I find that the entire process turned entirely too political. Who knows? I will wait until the final report is released to see what recommendations the committee gives.

But I have the feeling that the report will be high on volume and low on substance. Post 9/11, the administration and Congress moved quickly to try to resolve many of the short-comings in intelligence sharing that had led to us not connecting the dots in time. And through the hours that spent watching these hearings, very little time was spent looking forward and too much time was spent looking backward.

Last week the committee agrees that there was more than enough blame to go around. It's a big crap sandwich and everyone's got to take a bite. That is another reason why today's circus was so comical. There was little more to be gained from it in terms of providing additional recommendation for future procedural changes. The information provided in Rice's testimony was already available to the committee members. Today's questioning was purely political. Both from the Democratic side (which tried to paint the Bush White House as lackadaisical on terror) and from the Republican side (trying to show it has nothing to hide).