Friday, April 30, 2004

I'm just here to help.

I have this pity factor in me that makes me want to help John Kerry. So today I will help J.F. Kerry with that ever elusive demographic: the apathetic youth vote. I was watching MTV this morning because I woke up with a hangover (and nothing cures a hangover like vomiting after watching the crap on MTV). And then it hit me: John Kerry needs a hip and with it rap song to really speak to the kids of today. So, here it is:

I'm John Kerry (al la the music of Slim Shad?)

Yes, I'm John Kerry!
No, I'm not John Kerry!
That other John Kerry
was just being nuanced.
So won't the real John Kerry
please stand up, please stand up,
please stand up.

Yo! I served in Nam!
Did I mention that?
I'll say it again,
cause I can.
Got six more months of this
shit, how long with this take?
Right wing media
don't cut me a break.

I'm John Kerry!
You don't like that?
Well then I'm not.
And then I am!
See the difference?
I served in Nam!


Ed Gillespie is a bitch!
Trying to switch
the topic of discussion
to something other
than my service in Vietnam.
Sorry Ed,
you thought the topic was dead?
Not till I said,
it was over! So F-you.
Yeah, I swear! I'm the common man?
Half billion dollars, schooled in Switzerland,
Just like you, or not, hey I was in Nam!


Europe don't like us,
I can fix that,
cause I'm a Democrat.
Where my allowance at?!?
Speakin?4 languages
None of them truth?
Don't have an SUV,
well, yes, I do.
Didn't fund the troops.
But I am,
the guy who served in Vietnam!

[chorus and end]

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