Since the Guardian sees it fit to compell its readers to Adopt-An-Ohioan, I thought I would write back to England in a letter.
Dear British Speaking Pen Pal-
Thank you so much for taking the time to type me out a letter. Yay! This will be so much fun! Now I have a pen pal in another country. Your envelope says that you are from England. Wow! Are you guys named after New England? I love the Patriots!
I looked on a map and saw that England is an island. That must be great! My neighbor went on vacation to the islands? She loved it. It must be so great to live on a warm sunny island. Do you go to the beach every day? That's what she did. I bet it's great living so close to the warm beach like you do. She told me that people drink Coronas with limes. Do you like to drink Corona too? I bet you do! My dad calls you a bunch of Limeys. I bet that must be where the label comes from. How cool is that? You guys must have come up with putting limes in your beer!
Thank you for taking such an interest in our Election. You used some pretty big words in your letter that I couldn't understand. There is somebody at the University in Columbus that speaks British, so the next time I have to take the hogs to market, I抣l have him translate more of it.
Your Ohioan Pen Pal Gilly
P.S. I was going to send you some limes as a gift. But then I thought, thats silly, Limes must come from England. That would be a silly gift. My dad told me that you like cricket. So included in the box is about 100 crickets that I caught in my back yard. I hope you like them!