Thursday, November 4, 2004

My Predictions for the Next 4 Years

There is but one way to describe my election predictions...."fake but accurate".

I got the end result correct. But NH and Hawaii didn't pan out. But I did get Ohio right (I am so smart, I am so smart! Smrt. I mean, Smart...)

So, now I have some predictions for the next 4 years:

1) Somebody we don't like dies. May be Arafat. May be Artistide. May be Yanni. Who knows? But when they kick off...2 point bump in the polls for Chimpler.

2) Iran....muahahahaa. Sorry kids. We got a bottle of whiskey and the car keys for the next 4 years. I see the future. You may be part of it, but it will most likely involve working the counter at an Adult Movie store.

3) France. Hahahaha....I said France. Hehe.

4) Russia...listen, boobulah. We like you now. Don't mess this up. Get to gittin. Crap-Weasles=Bad. Uncle Sam= Good. The first country to figure this out was the UK, and look how well that's worked out for them...they've even taken on English as their first language.

5) I think Germans will stop emphasizing their role in the world as a dimplomatic nation and get back to what they are good at...Oktoberfest and wacky porn.

6) Guam. Think about what you've contributed to the world in the last 50 add 4 years. Yep, that's about it.

7) Gay Marrige. We'll still be talking about both 4 years from now.

8) 11,680. The number of Martinis that Ted Kennedy will drink before he becomes relevant again.

9) Social Security. Old people will still be getting it in 2005.

10) The deficit. Like the Grand Canyon and Rosie O' Donnell, it will continue to grow in size and gravitational force.

11) Baseball. The new Washington DC team will be overun by special interest groups and will include such fan appreciation days as: "The 3rd Called Strike in the 2nd Inning was George Bush's Fault" Night and the "Why Fly Balls Shouldn't Be Caught Because It is too 'Unilateral' Double Header Days". Rumor has it that George Soros will pay up to and over $65 million to ensure that 527 groups try to target the Philidelphia Fanatic and produce video evidence of what the MSM will only refer to as "A Cocaine Habit of Supernatural Proportions".

12) Hollywood celebraties who move out of the US will come back when they realize that citizens in no other country in the world are willing to pay $8 to watch them.

13) Jim Treacher will find ways to offend people in other languages just to magnify the effect.

14) Seeing the effect that Blogs had on the '04 Election, Osama Bin Laden will give up plotting Jihad on America to start his own site "" Three days later, he will declare Jihad again...on comment spam.

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