Sunday, March 27, 2005

The Post in Which I solve all of Gemany's Problems*

* Well, the problem they are having today.

Nearly a quarter of western Germans and 12 percent of easterners want the Berlin Wall back.

Those wacky Germans! I think the last time we let them have an opinion, it led to the Second World War. All seriousness aside, I think I see their point:

The Berlin Wall was breached on Nov. 9, 1989, paving the way for the unification of Communist East Germany with the West on Oct. 3, 1990. But billions of euros (dollars) spent rebuilding the east have failed to prop up the depressed region, which is plagued by high unemployment and a shrinking population.

But I have a solution! I think they should build another wall! Only this time make it about 3 ft high. And it should have those little gates that allow wheel chairs to pass thought (we have to be considerate of the handi-capable).

This would certainly put a lot of people back to work. And by only making it 3 ft tall, you could still have conversations with people on the other side.

"Hey, Hans! How's the weather over on your side?"

"Not bad, Helmut. You should be expecting a little rain later today."

Brilliant Idea, you say!

"But Gilly, since we already know you're the smartest person in Vermont, how would you pay for this wall?"

Easy. They would be able to sell advertisements along the wall, just like they do for the outfield fences at Little League baseball parks.

"This part of the Wall is brought to you by 'Zimmerman Urinals: Wouldn't using a Zimmerman Urinal be more comfortable than this wall?"

Plus they could use it as a tourist draw:

"Visit Beautiful Deutchland. 1000 years of history...and the world's longest billboard!"

Man, do I rule.

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