Friday, May 28, 2004

Movie Review of the Day

Maddox writes the best movie review in the history of the universe and gives his pick for the film that will sweep the Oscars for 2005.

Warning: Not for the children.

Hat Tip: Dean

Thursday, May 27, 2004

Where Do I Send My Resume?

Dane considers porn fringe benefit

An IT company in Nordjylland, Denmark has introduced a novel program to keep employees satisfied. After examining well-known trends in Internet and business traffic, LL Media decided it would be sensible and appreciated to offer all of its employees free subscriptions to Internet pornography.

The company's director, Levi Nielsen, believes that access to porn is a natural fringe benefit, like a free phone or a company car.

"We know that 80 percent of all hits on the Internet are on porn sites. And we can see that people also surf porn pages during work," Nielsen told Danish Broadcasting's DR Nordjylland.

In return for this service the company blocks all access to porn pages during office hours.

Nielsen hopes that the expense of about DKK 30 (USD 5) per head per week will make his staff more relaxed and more efficient on the job.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Of Empire And Iraw

In this month's Atlantic Online, there is an interview with writer Niall Ferguson, the author of 'Colossus'. In this piece he opines on the problems in Iraq, 9/11 and the American problem with nation building. What I find interesting in this article is that he is a self described Americophile. He wants Iraq to succeed. Yet, thought his research, he shows how this endeavor, like many undertaken in America's past, may fail precisely because our own inherent cultural differences.

One excellent points that he makes is:

"One of the problems Americans have is this desire to be loved. Legitimacy isn't necessarily based on affection. It's based on credibility. And I think what we're seeing in Iraq is just the latest in a series of tests of American resolve and credibility."

Monday, May 24, 2004

Answer Me This

There has always been something that had bothered me about Star Wars: Episode II.

If Anakin Skywalker was supposed to bring "balance to the force" and the Sith were on the run to the point where people didn't even know if they existed, wouldn't it have occured to these brainiacs that Anakin was there to balance out all the "good" force in the Galaxy?

I mean why didn't they just cap his ass gansta' style with a phaser gun when they had the chance. Rat-a-tat-tat 'You know I never hesitate to put a Jedi on his back'

What else did these people think when the prophesy said "bring balance to the force" when they were all in thier little happy-land "everyone is a beautiful snowflake" Empire?

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Solving Abu Ghraib

Do you want to know how to stop the constant repetition of the images of Abu Ghraib?

Just tell the world that the images and video contain secret messages that Jesus Christ is the Savior.

The liberal media would instantly stop showing any of the images.

Except for Fox News, who would make up a new prime time segment, showing only Abu Ghraib videos.

The Arab Street would riot and denounce all of the photos as Jewish Propaganda.

The Jews would be like, "Crazy Assed Gentiles."

The French would embrace the videos just to antagonize the Jews.

And the New York Times would do everything in its power to discredit the photos.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004


I do have some liberal friends. Actually, the better way to describe them is as drinking buddies. We just try and stay away from politics all together. And here is one reason why:

So, after many rounds at the bar, we got onto the topic of the Oil For Food Scandal (UNSCAM). And my friend said to me "I don't know why you're making such a big deal about it, it was only like what, $10 Billion?"

At this point I just dropped the conversation by getting another beer and not going back to the conversation.

$10 billion is kind of a big deal to poor people. But you know what annoyed me even more? When the International community got together and was able to raise $33 Billion. $20Billion of that was from America.

So 73 nations got together and 72 of them were only able to donate about $10Billion to helping a democracy in the Middle East.

Yeah, $10Billion, it's a big deal.

Let's hope Iraqis have a long memory when it comes to the bill for this little endevour.

Environment Check

I was reading the "letters to the editor" section of my paper today, and I realized something.

About half of all Americans are idiots. And at first I thought "Hey, you shouldn't say that about your countrymen!"

And then I realized that these people are pretty much all democrats (though we do have some right wing idiots too).

One person wrote in and said, "The Bush Administration is systematically destroying the environment? And then I looked out my window. Yep, the environment is still there.

Even if you live in New York City, the environment is still there. It just comes in three flavors: Central Park, concrete, and asphalt.

And I just looked out my window again卍ang environment is still there.

With 3 candidates as different as they are, if the environment is the issue that decides who you vote for, then you probably aren抰 going to vote for Bush anyways.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

36(C) Reasons why America Kicks Ass

Anderson joins Uncle Sam

Film and TV star Pamela Anderson, a native of Canada who broke into show business as a spokeswoman for Labatt beer, became an American citizen today during a brief ceremony in a downtown Los Angeles courtroom.

"I felt it was important to become a US citizen in order to vote in the United States," Anderson said in a written statement.

Suck on that Canuckistan!

In all seriousness...hell, I am sorry, nothing serious about this. Hooters!

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Now if only we could do that here..

Somehow they got the Norwegian press to go on strike. I don't know they did it, but it's true.

Now if only we could figure out a way to do that here in the States. Then maybe we could go back to winning the war on terrorism.

And I don't mean a total hiatus. Just a week or so.

Monday, May 10, 2004

A Reminder the Apocalypse is nigh

I just turned on the t.v. to see Sylvester Stallone singing Country songs in Rhinestone.

Saturday, May 8, 2004

You Don't Say!

Researchers predict a warm summer

Last summer was nice in Norway, and this summer will likely be warm and sunny as well. That's the consensus of international meteorologists, and Oslo may be in store for its warmest summer since 1960.

That wacky stock market (and why jobs growth is bad)

The best back to back jobs data since 2000 and the market takes a dive. What gives?! Well, you would think that with more and more people going back to work that the stock market would rally. But this rally is somewhat counterintuitive. With stronger and stronger jobs numbers, the specter of higher interest rates is looking more and more likely. The exact same thing happened last month when there was very strong jobs growth.

The Fed rate is not going to stay at 1% forever. And while some people had thought that Greenspan was going to raise rates in August, if we get another great jobs number next month, we might see a raise in rates in June.

The market is a funny thing. Ben Stine calls it "a place to buy future earnings". I like to think of it as a speculation on how people will react to news. Because about half the time, the market does the opposite of what you would think it should. Great jobs growth and an improving economy and the market goes down. Who would have thunk it?

Thursday, May 6, 2004

My problem with Internet dating.

There was a blog on Salon that talked about Internet dating portals for Conservatives. And I thought "hey, it would be cool to meet a chick who wasn't a damned hippy and liked to shoot things with guns!"

But my problem is that while I am conservative, I am not a social conservative. I am more a libertarian on social issues. I like to go out and party, I like the Man Show, and I am not part of the Religious Right. I am what some people call a South Park Republican? What I am, though, is a fiscal conservative.

And then I thought, yeah, they should have an internet dating site for people like me who are only fiscally conservative? And then I thought, how many chicks are going to search a site that features fiscal conservatives?? Probably none that I would want to meet. What would one of their profiles read like?

In my spare time I enjoy reading books at Barnes & Noble, saving money by walking everywhere and reading day old newspapers. Oh, and clipping coupons makes me soo hot!?

So I don't think I will be seeing any time soon.

Tuesday, May 4, 2004

I Love You to Death

Well at least men now have an excuse as to not be so romantic.

Honest honey, I'd rub your feet, but I wouldn't want you to think I was trying to kill you.

Monday, May 3, 2004

Boy Gets Response to Message in Bottle

Hey, it happens.

And as it turns out, the message was spam: 'Would you like to have a longer thicker penis?' To which the boy threw in another bottle.

Best (worst) Summer Job Ever?

Those crazy Germans. When they aren't invading France, or taking field trips, they are trying to lead the world in mind numbing stupidity. The German solution to unemployment? Brothels MUST have apprentices in order avoid financial penalties.

Sunday, May 2, 2004

May I Suggest Some X-Lax

Oslo increasingly 'constipated'

BMW Drivers Have More Sex

BMW drivers have more sex than owners of any other cars and are much more active than Porsche drivers, a new German car magazine has found.

Too bad for me, the Slavic export Yugo ranked lowest on sex appeal. To which I can testify, is quite accurate.

You Have to Give Kids Limits

Watered-Down Beer Quota Allows 4 Kegs Each

The keg crackdown for the annual Mifflin Street block party near the University of Wisconsin still gives each apartment between 700 and 800 beers.

It's good to know that you can give kids limits.

Saturday, May 1, 2004

Day of the Dead?

I have finally figured out why John Kerry walks and talks like the walking dead. It's because he really is!

"He fought and died for his country.*"

*Democratic Stategist on Republicans questioning John Kerry's patriotism. A la an interview on Your world with Neil Cavuto (4/30).