Press Release from the Obama Campaign

Press Release from the Obama Campaign (A Savior, Ltd. Company)
Saturday, August, 23 2008
Re: Vice Presidential Nominee

My Fellow Citizens of the World. I would like to take this opportunity, through the Medias of Earth to discuss something weighing heavily on my heart. As you may have heard, Media reports have surfaced stating that Senator Joseph Biden of Delaware has been selected to by the Democratic Vice-Presidential Nominee. Nothing could be further from the truth. Joseph Biden has stated in the past that does not want the job. Therefore, it would be incongruous for him to be selected as my running mate.

What you are seeing is another Republican trick. A transparent attempt at the politics of fear that I have sought to Change in Washington. We will see other such trick through this election from the Republicans. Tricks that will play to your innermost fears of an Obama/Biden Whitehouse. But don’t be fooled by them! We can only defeat these Washington insiders by changing the old guard! And one way you can be part of that change is to donate, nay, do your duty as a patriotic American, to our cause. We are strong, we are now! Your spare change (neatly bundled into socks worth up to $2,000) can be the catalyst for REAL CHANGE in Washington!

My campaign never intended to announce my running mate via Txt message. That is the type of Swift Boating rhetoric that is the essence of the Republican Party. So, if you are angered, as I am, to have received a Txt message at 3 in the morning, then you know for whom you should vote in November.

Thank You, and God Bless America.

P.S. To the Sigma Chi Fraternity at the University of Virginia, please stop replying to that Txt message requesting pizza. Really, we know it was 3 a.m. and all, but seriously, it stopped being funny after, like, the 20th time.